Living With Your Ex
You just can't hit rewind
So you’re with someone for years. You sort of planned to get married, but then you didn't. Then you thought you would be the next Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, but then that didn't happen. Somewhere in the 11 years of togetherness one of us got a case of the seven year itch and the other a case of midlife crisis. It really doesn't matter who got what. The fact is we didn't make it.
We are now living as closely as we can with an ex as friends/roommates. We are still not so evolved as to be happy with confirmation of each other's dating life. We don’t want to know if someone else is going to our old favorite restaurant. It’s not that we want to go back to it. The food didn't improve. It’s just preferable to think that it was shut down,by the city.
So fine, it didn't work out, but can you hit rewind to the original friend stage? You know the part where you show your best manners. We did that by no longer walking around in our underwear in the common areas. Why not add farting to that? No farting in the common areas, no farting while I’m in the car with you, no farting while I’m in the elevator with you, no walk by farting. These aren't slippery farts, they are purposely delivered. The rewind button would also work with the no licking the butter knife and sticking it back in the cream cheese, jelly, Nutella,and peanut butter. We may have shared saliva long ago, but can we please just hit rewind?
The cubicle jockey job is only a cover. Writer of poems, observations, and short stories.
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